Toilet paper, ink, fluorescent light diffuser, hickory smoked petroleum jelly, embroidery thread, pressed and dried Sweet Pea flowers, crimp beads, cotton rag paper, mirror, an un-rehearsed, unscripted performance that may or may not occur at an undetermined time, to be undocumented
Somewhere between there and then, I am here.
I’ve been waiting for a very long time to get there and I will wait longer.
Here doesn’t feel like there.
I can feel there from here.
Then, I thought about there.
Here, I thought about there.
When there is here, I will remember then.
If there is never here, I will remember then.
Somewhere between there and then, I am here, contemplates the physical, emotional and spiritual experience of in-between-ness.
I’ve been doing In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) for a while, but now I’ve stopped. I hoped I would be a mother, but I am not. I’m grieving. Where I am now and where I will be soon is not clear. I am only certain that because I’m an artist, I will make-work from this position.
Wednesday to Saturday 12-6pm
Until September 16th 2017
Diffuser, fragrance oil, ceramic tiles, dye-sublimation print, calcium carbonate, titanium dioxide, crystalline silica, nine unsuccessful In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatments, the distance between the artists’ vagina and the earth
Abundant in my new home, The Mission in San Francisco, terrazzo is a composite technique that traditionally involves embedding marble chips in a bonding material, grinding the surface to reveal a marble-like finish. It has a beautiful finish, though it is the imitator (the runner up) to naturally occurring and considerably more coveted, marble.
I am also an imitator, the second place getter. I have been undertaking In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatment. I have stopped. I will most certainly never be a mother by my own womb. I am terrazzo, the second place getter.
Until September 30th 2017
Wednesday to Saturday 2pm-6pm
Domestic dimensions, rotten flower fragrance oil, the distance between the artist’s vagina and the earth, wax, wick, flame, pressed, dried and ground hydrangea flowers, varnish, Tim’s voice, the artist’s voice, 9 failed attempts at In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).
BATHROOM; Soap, rotten flower fragrance oil, crystal bowls.
Hi Heidi and Tim. It’s Doctor ******* ******* here just ringing to see, say that I see that it was negative result, unfortunately, and just ter, ter, just to discuss where to from here. Ahhh, um certainly as far as egg number and embryo number we did much better with the flare cycle, um, we could consider doing that. Aaaaaah I know we’ve talked previously about biopsying the embryos, ummm that would be a possibility if we had enough embryos to biopsy. It’s more useful if we’ve got a lot of embryos to choose from. Um, the other thing I wanted to introduce the concept of is even thinking about using donor eggs ummm at some stage, sooo if you wanna give me a call back at some stage and we can have a chat about that. All the best. Bye.
(I’m pretty sure) There will be no Science Baby is an exploration of the artist’s experience of her body and mind within her ongoing process of baby-making, failing fertility and the resulting process of In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF).
Image credits; documentor.com.au, Christo Crocker and courtesy of the artist
Pressed glasshouse-grown pink hydrangeas, pins, the distance between the artist's vagina and the earth, Taubmans Silver Smoke matte paint, Freedom vase, baby-powder fragrance oil.
BATHROOM; Glass bowl, lyrics to The Rose by Bette Midler, Xerox Lilac A4 80gsm.
Photo credits: documentor.com.au, Christo Crocker and courtesy of the artist
Cycle cycle cycle cycle cycle
Transvaginal Ultrasound Machine, Menopur (ovary stimulating hormone) laced water, pond plants; Hemianthus Callitrichoides, Myriophyllum Papillosum, Thalia Geniculata var. Ruminoides, water pump, interior hosing, bone coloured acrylic paint, flesh coloured acrylic paint, perspex, fibreglass pond liner
132cm x 130cm x 97cm
Blood Clot Reproduction
Glass beads, felt, cotton thread, finger light, cloth tape
8cm x 16cm x 8cm
Used Probe, 40,800 Entries (approx)
Transvaginal Ultrasound Probe, Tim’s words, hung at artist’s oral cavity height
160cm x 27.5cm x 2.5cm
I am a woman. I am an artist. I am 38 years old.
I am without child.
I can’t think of anything else at the moment other than my lack of child.
My insides are curling as I write this.
Because, I am more than my lack of child.
I am woman, hear me roar as I push out this Science Baby, is an exploration of the artists’ experience of her body and mind within the ongoing process of baby-making, failing fertility and the resulting process of, in vitro fertilization (IVF). Currently engaged in a cycle of attempts within the IVF process, the artist asks you to please judge her as she lays it all out.
Does a woman without a maternal instinct DESERVE a baby?
Should a woman that is reproductively challenged just let fate decide?What remains of a woman if this function is faulty?
Can she still be a feminist if she is angry at her vagina?
How does a woman that is an artist, and is also educated, sufficiently psychoanalytically practised and a feminist, deal with these (self-admitted shamefully undermining) questions?
Photo credit: Christo Crocker
Open the path to Enlightenment New Age Indigo,
Indigo paint, LED strip light
Photographic print on rag paper, wolf teeth, dental floss, bouquet pin
Pastel paper, ink, strobe, glass faux crystal diamond
The Power of Now To Do List,
Magenta 2013 Moleskin diary, book light, biro
The Secret Message of Self Help,
Pine, invisible ink, black light
Eight years ago, my friend Meg Ryan told me about The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle. It's one of the most transformative books I've ever read; I keep a copy with me wherever I go, flipping through its highlighted pages time and time again. For anyone seeking to lead a more connected, vibrant life, The Power of Now is essential reading, and Eckhart's follow-up books—Stillness Speaks and A New Earth—explain the core principle that has resonated so deeply with me and thousands of others: The only moment we ever really have is this one. Happiness isn't in the future or the past, but in mindful awareness of the present.
Eckhart should know. By 29, the German-born author had become an eminent research scholar at Cambridge University in England, but success wasn't enough to halt his descent into a depression so severe that he considered ending his life. In what could have been his final hour, Eckhart stumbled upon an insight that started him on the path to becoming a spiritual teacher: We are not our thoughts. The very fact that we can objectively observe our thinking, he reasoned, suggests that the constant and often negative dialogue in our heads is separate from who we really are. Realizing this can bring us closer to the kind of fearlessness and peace that Eckhart has experienced since his dark night of the soul.
It was one of the great joys of my career to talk to Eckhart on Oprah & Friends on XM Radio as part of my Soul Series. He gave a kind of course on conscious living: trading our autopilot existence for intentional awareness; recognizing how we create our own suffering through obsessing over our past history; and learning how to be present, for ourselves and for the people around us, in a compassionate, nonjudgmental way. His encouraging inspiration has allowed me and many other people to see the possibility of an awakened consciousness. I think he is a prophet for our time.
Winfrey, O 2008, 'Oprah talks to Eckhart Tolle', O The Oprah Magazine, May 2008
Images courtesy of the artist.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All Small Stuff
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
You Can Heal Your Life
The Power of Now
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Women Who Run With the Wolves
The 80/20 Principle
The Celestine Prophecy
Heidi, do you think you were hot in the 90’s?
Framed digital print on William Turner paper
LED lighting strip, speaker wire, battery pack
Beyond my body (cocaine)
MP4 projected onto blackboard contact and white chalk
Images courtesy of the artist.
Curated by Isabelle Sully
With artists; Jessie Bullivant, Heidi Holmes, Isabelle Sully, Isadora Vaughan
Common Room is a collaborative exhibition that used the shared space of the gallery as a premise to work together. Each artist involved worked one-on-one with two of the other artist, producing a web of collaborations that intersected across each work in the exhibition.
Don’t go breaking my heart
(In collaboration with Isabelle Sully)
Aluminium cans, speaker, screw, 2 x looped 4.17 minute audio
10 Digital prints on rag paper with hand-made deckle edge
Images courtesy of the artist.
Curated by Anna Pappas and Laura Castagnini
With artists; Ben Coonley (USA), Ross Coulter & Meredith Turnbull, Sue Dodd, Cait Foran & Zoe Scoglio, Tony Garifalakis, Lucas Grogan, Irene Hanenberg, Heidi Holmes, Marco Paulo Rolla (Brazil), Darren Sylvester, Salote Tawale, Malcolm Whittaker, Danae Valenza.
Project 12: This is not a love song brings together works by local and international contemporary artists which explore the relationship between romance and popular culture. Some of these artists have never made public any artwork that professes affection, thereby presenting a playful and varied approach to the depiction of love.
Framed hand written list, audio recording
Images courtesy of the artist.